Lausanne Half Marathon - Disaster!

I'd been out for just under two weeks. 13 days ago I was coughing up phlegm and it was thick green and had flecks of blood in it. My chest also hurt. Running for the train was tough and so Tenke's plea for a running buddy went un-answered for too long.
A week before the race I was definitely getting better, but not fast enough. Chest was still productive, but clear of blood and infection and the enforced taper was good. Work was busy, so that took my mind of the lack of training.
By race day I was feeling better. More on that later.
Mr Leaky arrived still sporting his handle bar moustache one hour before the appointed pick up time, so we were all wondering around the house in dressing gowns having enjoyed the extra hour in bed that the clocks moving gave us. Nice big cup of coffee to notch the hrt up a few bpms and some of Richard's family harmony wisdom and we were back on schedule and heading to the RZ with Attila and Tenke.
Attila had very kindly offered to be bag man, having already put in a stonking 50min performance for the 10km. His approach is no training, stay relaxed and enjoy it. I think he may have a point. He also had a point about the route, he was right, we should have taken the motorway as the lake road was closed due to the marathon and the third way does not really exist. But it the crazy route was good for two things. We saw a couple with two sheep which were on a lead. I have never seen that before. Mint sauce? Secondly, we saw a guy carrying by the crouch a life sized silver mannequin missing one arm and a head.
At the start we parked up and the place was buzzing. We did a tradition Q 4 the Loo and then a warm up. The warning sign was there, but I missed it. After a couple of km I was far too hot and even sticky. Normally, I break sweat at around 10km. Not in the warm up. Hrt was too high too soon. Massive spike. Went for some personal time and got in the zone.
I decide that I knew I could do a half in 1:35 so what was the point in knocking out another one of those? I was going to find the pacers for 1:30 and hold them for as long as I could and in addition I was going to ignore the Garmin for the first 5 km. I held them for 5km and let myself glance down at the Garmin. Spot on time wise, just that the hrt was already red line and I knew right then it was going to be a bad day. I decided to slow down gradually, but the recovery never came. They flooded past me in the thousands. I slowed more, but still they came and I never recovered. I consoled myself with the fact the 1:40 boys had still not caught me.
The red marathon markers made me think of Alain and I wondered how his marathon race was. The white markers for the half came a little after the red ones and I was struggling with the kms still to run as the ability to do simple arithmetic left me completely.
At about 6km I felt like I had carbed out. I needed food urgently. I took a gel and decided I really wanted it eat it, but waited until the next water station to take it so I could wash it down with some water. I noticed it was a small one and figured it would do me about 20min.
At 9km the wind switched direction and increased in speed. It whipped in off the lake and bounced of the high embankment and pushed us backwards. Horrible. Then I got cold. I'm never cold.
Found another gel and decided to eat it. That got me through a few more km.
With only 2km to go I realised the 1h 40m markers started 5mins after the first pen. Oh no! Now I need to pull a decent couple of km out of the bag to make it around in sub 1h 40m. I push on. No tropical fruit flavour gels so I skip them. WHY? I've lost it completely. I need something now. Grab some chocolate and hope. Perceived effort is massive. Still I cannot hold my place in the race. The km takes forever. I can hear the finish. I calculate minutes to finish and push on. Into the last straight. It is very long. I go wide. I try to kick. Nothing. I try again, nothing. I limp over the finish and hit stop. 1h 40m 01s my time. Official time 1h 40s 00.3sec. How galling is that?
Left Achilles tendon is trashed. Right hamstring is tight. Now remind me why did I not take the cancellation insurance out?
Still it was better than the last sick half I did in Bedford in 2008 with Kenny, which was 1h 43.
Richard did 2:05 having spent considerable time lying down in the road trying to shift a cramp.
Tenke was 1h19m and came 3rd. Well done Tenke!
Thank you to Attila for being such top chauffer and bag man.
Thank you to Richard for the lift and motivating me to keep going when I felt like stopping, the thought of that moustache going past me was just enough to push me along.

Garmin